JUST GONNA PUT THIS HERE…

20 YEARS...

CAREER NARRATIVE

NEW SAMPLE

I think you’re right, and I’ve been trying to understand this about myself…

I’ve spent most of my life in fucking survival mode, being independent, creating, working, solving problems, and taking responsibility for others. It’s been that way since I was young, long before becoming a father or building the business.

I actually come alive when I’m with you, my kids or at work. I love creating, I have endless ideas, and I still find pleasure in things. But when I’m alone, without responsibilities or anyone needing me, I almost don’t know what to do with myself.

Psychologically, I think it’s a combination of three things: lifelong difficulty regulating my attention and initiating things, years of conditioning myself to operate under pressure, and now genuine mental exhaustion from everything I’m carrying.

It’s strange because I can become completely absorbed in something for hours, but I can also struggle to start the simplest thing. I want to make music, create, enjoy myself, or just relax, but I get stuck in my own head. Then I feel guilty because I think I’m wasting time.

I think I’ve spent so long associating productivity with purpose, responsibility with identity, and being needed with feeling valuable that I haven’t really learned how to just exist without having to accomplish something.

And you’re right, I do get to run my world the way I want, which is a privilege. But running my world isn’t necessarily the same as enjoying my life.

I don’t think I’ve lost my passion or motivation. I think I’m exhausted, and I’m realizing that I don’t really know how to rest without feeling like I should be doing something.

I’m trying to figure out how to be happy and content as just myself, not always as a father, founder, artist, teacher, or someone responsible for everything and everyone.

I don’t want to stop creating or being ambitious. I just want to learn how to enjoy life without always feeling like I have to earn it.