MY FRIEND ROY SLAPER (RIP) WTF

THIS WEEK

TODAY...

TO MY TEAM, INTERNS AND APPRENTICES...

PEACE TO WHOEVER YOU ARE...

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE QUITTING OR STOPPING?

I AM A HUMAN AND AM A MAN, SO ALL I CAN SPEAK FROM IS THE PERSPECTIVE OF SUCH-SO I DON'T MEAN TO EXCLUDE ANYONE BUT TO JUST SHARE FOR THAT ONE PERSON OR PEOPLE WHO FEEL THE WAY THAT I DO...

I DID NOT GROW UP KNOWING MY FATHER AND HAD TWO STEPFATHERS. A WILD JOURNEY TO SAY THE LEAST. DUE TO THIS, I HAVE ALWAYS SOUGHT OUT ROLE MODELS AND MENTORS AND GUIDING FORCES FOR ME. WHETHER IT WAS IN BOOKS, PEOPLE, OR MUSIC. THIS IS ALL IN HINDSIGHT, BUT I DID NOT KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING ALL THESE YEARS. 

THE REASON I CONTINUE ON MY BUSINESS AND PATH THAT I AM ON BC OF ALL THESE YEARS OF ANGER AND PAIN OF NOT HAVING A FATHER AND A LACK OF GUIDANCE AND THE SOCIETAL DISTRACTION THAT IS ALMOST FORCED UPON US HAD ME FED UP OF HOW THINGS ARE AND ARE NOT. 

WHERE ARE THE MENTORS, THE OG'S WHO USED TO GIVE US REAL LESSONS AND GOOD WORDS AND BE GOOD ROLE MODELS EVEN IF THEY WERE DOING BAD. WHY DID THE STREETS HAVE TO RAISE ME MORE THAN HOME AT TIMES. WHY...

BUT IT ALL PANS OUT FOR A REASON KNOWN AND UNKNOWN...

I FOREVER GOT IN TROUBLE IN SCHOOL AND WAS KICKED OUT OF MOST SCHOOLS I WENT TO BUT GOT THE BEST OF GRADES. IT WAS JUST A MISPLACEMENT OF ENERGY AND APTITUDE. ALL GOOD. BEING TIED UP TO CHAIRS, OSTRACIZED, EXPERIMENTED UPON, AND NOT RELATING TO ANYONE, LET ALONE BEING AN ONLY CHILD, MADE ME WHO I AM, AND I WOULDN'T BE BUILDING THIS ONE-OF-A-KIND BUSINESS. 

ANYWAYS, BEFORE I GO INTO THE MAIN TOPIC, TODAY IS JUST NOT A DAY WHERE I AM FEELING IT, AND I KNOW IT BECAUSE OF SO MUCH GOING ON IN MY LIFE: MY PARENTS, MY OWN CHILDREN, CO-PARENTING, MY BUSINESSES, ALL MY ACCOUNTS ARE NEGATIVE, PAYROLL, BILLS, HEALTH, AND HOLDING IT ALL IN WHILE SHOWING FACE FOR ALL I AM AROUND.  BUT THIS IS PROBABLY YOUR LIFE ALSO. 

WE ALL SHARE THE SAME 24 HOURS AND ARE ON THE SAME SOIL. I CAN'T STAND BORDERS AND DIVISIONS WITHIN THE HUMAN MIND. 

I FEEL HEAVY AND NOT AS MOTIVATED AS I ALWAYS AM ...

BUT I WILL TELL YOU THIS. 

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT A MAN IS GOING THROUGH. FUCKING SOCIETY DOES WHAT IT DOES AND HAS CREATED AN OPPORTUNITY FOR US TO BUILD UP MORE OF A DIALOGUE, DISCOURSE AND AWARENESS TO THINGS THAT ARE NORMAL BUT UNSPOKEN. 

ROY SLAPER WAS AN ACTUAL FRIEND. THE FIRST FRIEND IN MY OLDER LIFE WHO HAS PASSED AWAY THAT I WAS ACTUALLY CLOSE TO AND  NOT JUST ON THE SCREEN BUT IN REAL LIFE.  

I WAS RAISED IN A VERY JAPANESE HOUSEHOLD, AND STOICISM AND ACCEPTANCE OF DEATH IS NOT THE SAME AS WESTERN STANDARDS TO STAY THE LEAST OR MOST. NO JUDGMENT, BUT THE REVERANCE AND AVERSION TO IT IN THE WEST IS WEIRD TO ME. IT IS THE ONLY INEVITABLE, SO ACCEPTING IT AND BEING COMFORTABLE WITH IT IS ESSENTIAL. 

WHETHER IT IS YOUR CHOICE TO TAKE YOUR OWN LIFE OR IT IS INFLICTED UPON YOU, IT DOESN'T MATTER BC WHAT REMAINS IS ONLY MEMORIES AND IMPRINTS INTO THE MINDS AND HEARTS OF PEOPLE. MAYBE SOME PHYSICAL THINGS, BUT THOSE ARE JUST REPRESENTATIONS OF WHO OR WHAT YOU BROUGHT TO EARTH. 

WE ARE ALL CONDUITS OF SOME SORT, A VESSEL FOR SOMETHING. 

I MET ROY I THINK, ON A BART TRAIN OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND I HAD A ROLL OF DENIM AND WE JUST STARTED TALKING ABOUT SEWING JEANS. 

HE HAD JUST STARTED, AND SO DID I. JUST A FEW YEARS IN. IT WAS JUST BY CHANCE WE CROSSED PATHS. 

AFTER THAT WE KICKED IT AND SHARED TIPS AND LESSONS AND EVEN MACHINES OVER THE YEARS. SOME I HAVE TO THIS DAY CAME FROM HIM. 

HE AND I WOULD GET INTO FIGHTS OVER OUR PURPOSE AND BELIEF SYSTEMS AND WHY IT WAS STUPID TO TEACH PEOPLE SEWING AND THAT I COULD BE GETTING MORE DONE ALONE AND VICE VERSA. MY FAVOURITE MEMORY IS A PHONE CALL THAT WAS OVER 4 HOURS LONG WHERE WE CAME TO AN AGREEMENT THAT WE ARE OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE COIN, AND IT WAS ENLIGHTENING AND RELIEVING TO BOTH OF US. 

I REMEMBER MAKING THIS GROUP BACK THEN WITH SOME OF THE GOATS OF DENIM IN THE BAY, MOST OF WHICH ARE VERY LOWKEY, AND WE ARE ALL BEHIND THE SEAMS TO SOME OF YOUR FAVE BRANDS AND COMPANIES, AND FOR HOURS WE WOULD MEET UP AND SHARE TRICKS, TIPS, SECRETS OF SEWING AND MAKING JEANS. IT WAS DOPE AND WAY BEFORE THIS INTERNET POLLUTION. 

WE COMPETED, SHARED BURRITOS, AND THEN AFTER JUST TIME TOOK ITS COURSE, THIS GUY JUST KEPT COMING INTO MY SHOP AND JUST STOPPING BY. NO PHONE, NO NOTHING, JUST WALKING BY AND SAYING HELLO. 

HE WOULD SHARE ALL HIS INSIGHT WITH MY APPRENTICES AND INTERNS. WHATEVER THEY ASKED, HE WOULD ANSWER. THINGS AND TRICKS HE WOULD NEVER SHARE WITH ME IN THE PAST, OPEN BOOK. WE WOULD JOKE ABOUT OUR BEEFS, THE PAST, AND TALK ABOUT THE WHOLE JOURNEY WE'VE BEEN ON AND HOW NOT TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES WE DID. LIFE, SEWING, DENIM...WHATEVER. 

ONE DAY I WAS ROASTING HIM, AND I SAID MAN YOU LOOK LIKE A BACK OF HOUSE DISHWASHER. WHAT'S UP? HE SAID I JUST APPLIED FOR THAT JOB TODAY AND HE WAS STOKED ABOUT IT. IT WAS FIRE. YOU HAD TO BE THERE. 

IT'S REALLY HARD FOR ME TO WRITE THIS BECAUSE I RATHER WAIT AND TALK TO ROY HIMSELF, BUT I KNOW THAT SOME PEOPLE ARE BEING PERFORMATIVE AND A LOT OF PEOPLE REALLY CARE AND THIS IS MY FIRST FRIEND THAT HAS PASSED CLOSE TO ME IN MY LIFE, SO YES FOR SURE, I AM BLOCKING THINGS OUT AND SUPPRESSING THINGS. I HAVE FELT A LOT OF THINGS SINCE THIS, AND IT COMPUNDS WITH POSITIVITY THROUGH MY STUDENTS. IT'S DOPE TO SEE THE REVERANCE AND RESPECT FOR ROY. 

I DON'T TAKE PEOPLE'S OPINIONS TO HEART UNLESS IT ENDS UP BEING A TRUTHFUL OBSERVATION. HOWEVER, ROY WAS SOMEONE I LOOKED TOWARDS AND AWAY FROM AT THE SAME TIME, MEANING WE ACCEPTED EACH OTHER AND WAS IN THE SAME FIELDS LIKE SELF EDGE AND OTHER DENIM BRO WORLDS. BTW I DON'T MAKE BLUE JEANS-ENOUGH BRANDS DO. 

AND ROY AND I DID THE SAME THING BUT APPROACHED IT SO DIFFERENTLY AND ACCEPTED EACH OTHER SO MUCH. IT WAS ONE OF A KIND EXCEOT WITH MY MENTOR.

WE WOULD TALK SHIT TO EACH OTHER AND HIDE TOOLS, MACHINES, AND TIPS FROM EACH OTHER FOR SURE. IT WAS CUT-THROAT, REAL AND LOVING AT THE SAME TIME. 

AS TIME PASSED AND HE KEPT COMING TO THE SHOP, HE SAID ONE THING TO ME AND PULLED ME TO THE SIDE AND SAID HE FINALLY GETS WHAT IM DOING HERE AT HOLY STITCH! AND ITS BEAUTIFUL. DONT STOP JULIAN. 

I WAS LIKE, FOR REAL ROY OR ARE YOU JUST SAYING THAT TO BE FACICIOUS? LIKE, FOR REAL BRO, WHAT YOU SAYING? THAT'S CRAZY TALK FROM YOU. 

AND HE EXCLAIMED OF HOW MUCH HE ENJOYED SHARING TIPS AND TRICKS AND LESSONS WITH THE STUDENTS AND THE SPACE AND WHAT ITS PROVIDING FOR OTHER PEOPLE. AND JUST ALL THAT IS HAPPENING BEHIND THE DOORS AT 1059 MARKET STREET. 

I WAS LIKE, OH SHIT, HE IS FOR REAL, AND FROM THAT DAY IT SOLIDIFIED WHAT I AM DOING IN JEANS AND SEWING BC IT WORKED ON THAT MOTHERFUCKER ROY AND MAN, IS HE STUBBORN. 

I FUCKING MISS YOU BRO. I REALLY FUCKING DO, MAN. I REALLY DO, BRO. I MISS YOU AND JUST THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE FOR ALL THESE YOUNG MEN AND PEOPLE UNBEKNOWNST TO YOU AND THEM. 

SEWING ALONE IS NOT BUILT FOR EVERYONE, AND THESE YOUNG BOYS GONNA LEARN ROY. OH THEY WILL. 

I'M STILL HERE AND FUCK THEM ROY, AND YOU KNOW WHO, AND TO THE REST IMMA DO WHAT I SAID I WAS GONNA DO AND JUST THANK YOU. 

I'LL GIVE YOU SOME WEED WHEN I SEE YOU. 

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HERE ARE SOME PICS THAT I HAD TAKEN OVER THE COURSE OF HIM VISITING. 

THE COVER PHOTO WAS TAKEN BY KIYA OF SELF EDGE WAY THE HECK BACK WHEN. 

WAY IN THE BEGINNING, AND I WAS JUST THE TAILOR.